Whether you began here
or here,
your goal was this
and eventually this.
But something went terribly wrong.
So you’ve spent more time here
and here
than you planned.
When they call to ask about her,
you tell them.
When they neglect to ask about you,
you think, It’s okay. I’m okay.
And when they say things like:
“God has a plan”
“Time heals all wounds”
“Everything happens for a reason”
you remember they say it for themselves.
Because…
there. are. no. words.
You try to give her this
and this,
but nothing helps.
And you find yourself here
caught between these.
You remember life before,
when this word was everywhere
instead of this one.
And the two of you looked like this
instead of this.
Wherever you are on your journey…
whether you’ve chosen this
or this,
I hope you’ve found a way to honor your babies
and each other.
*All images are public domain images, unless marked with a Blooming Spiders URL stamp*
71 thoughts on “To Grieving Fathers on Father’s Day”
georgetteann
An utterly touching and beautiful expression. Hugs, Dani. 💕
Dani
Thank you, sweetie. It means so much coming from you.
My Perfect Breakdown
Beautiful post as always Dani. My heart is with the father’s like my husband and yours, and all the men who are unable to celebrate the way they dream to. This weekend, and always.
Dani
Thank you, beauty. Wishing peace upon their hearts…All of them.
slfuchs
Dani, how I wish your genius did not have to express itself in such painful sorrow. You have touched so many hearts, and I pray your story will one day have a very happy ending! With boundless admiration! Stephen
Dani
You are much too kind, Stephen. Thank you for your friendship and your prayers. P.S. If only posts like these negated the need for posts like these. If only.
Robin S. Kent
Very powerful post, Dani. All the best to you
Dani
Thank you, Robin. To you, as well.
Karen @ Mended Musings
My friends just lost their baby and I can only give them my love because there are just no words. To see this in pictures…I still have no words. Much love to you and your husband, sweet friend.
Dani
I’m sure you’re a blessing to and for them. I’m sure, Karen. Much love to you, Dani
StephanieJane
❤ beautiful.
Dani
Thank you, sweetie.
diaryofaragamuffin
I was moved by this creative, beautiful post and pray that many fathers find their way to it, so they can be encouraged.
Dani
Thank you. I hope so, too. I do.
jasmine shei
Pictures worth thousands of words.
Dani
Truly. Sometimes they are more powerful than anything we could ever say.
bsanf0rd
Wow, what a brilliant…experience…you created, Beauty. Speaks volumes.
You’re a sculptor of many kinds, my love.
Good job honoring your husband.
Gentle kisses to you both…
Dani
Thank you for this, B, and for yesterday. I know you’re here. I know.
lkgaddis
Reblogged this on No Diet Lifestyle and commented:
For when words can’t do justice, this blog post fills in the gaps. Being on the mom side of things, I don’t know exactly what it is like for fathers, but I imagine these sentiments hit on a lot of truths.
Dani
Thank you for this, sweetie. Truly.
And honestly…
I don’t know the depths of what they feel either.
I just went from what I’ve seen and heard.
Christine Carter
I always hold my breath when I read any post of yours, Dani. There’s always something magical about them… the passion, the despair, the love, (hidden in that one image of hates…did you see it?), the pain, and the beauty- you somehow always capture it so poetically – I simply marvel at your words… your soul.
Thank you for allowing me to witness your world here today.
Dani
Love you to bits, Chris.
Thank you for being here.
And for sharing such heart and love.
I am touched ❤
the happy writer
Your poem, when read aloud and without the pictures, reflects the emptiness of the loss you are honoring. It is an amazing tribute to all grieving fathers. Thank you for sharing it.
-aniko
Dani
That’s what I was hoping for, Aniko.
Thank you for noting it and for sharing here.
It means so much.
As do you.
catterel
So sad to read this – blessings to all grieving fathers. Hugs xx
Dani
I’m sure they appreciate them, Catherine.
I’m sure ❤
claudiaschmidt2013
What a beautiful post for all fathers, in all their many forms, Dani. xoxo
charissagrace
perhaps not “all”
Dani
Thank you for taking the time to visit, Claudia. I know I left out many fathers (in the spirit of this post’s theme), but I hope all are honored this Father’s Day…”in all their many forms”.
With heart,
Dani
Jenae Goede
How powerful this is. Once again you have captured something that most cannot express in words. Thank you for sharing, for exposing the tender parts of your heart, and for walking hand in hand with those who feel alone in pain or forgotten.
Dani
Thank you for being here, J. I know this rests in your heart, as well.
Missing you, dear one.
And anxiously awaiting next weekend ❤
MamaMickTerry
This was beautiful and poignant. You and R have been on my mind all weekend.
Sending you love and a prayer for healing. Love you, sister ❤️
Dani
Oh, Michelle, I’ve felt it. And thank you for your email. I know I didn’t respond in a timely fashion, but it was heart timely for me. Loving you back, Dani
MamaMickTerry
You know…there is never a “statute of limitations” on our e-mails back and forth. I feel you, too and I don’t even need an e-mail telling me so ❤️
Dani
Thank you for that blessing!
Kassima
Que lindo Dani!! As pessoas realmente tentam traduzir seus sentimentos em palavras, mas poucos conseguem como você! Sintam meu abraço, com carinho e saudades!
Dani
Obrigada por ter lido e visitado, amiga. Estou com muito saudade de todos voces. A proxima vez que a gente estiver no Brasil botaremos o papo no dia. Um beijo bem grande, Dani
Kris
That was simply, beautifully heart-wrenching. Thank you for sharing this with us.
There are no words.
Only, love to all those who are suffering.
Dani
We accept your love, sweetie. Thank you for it. Miss you!!!
Plans soon?? ❤
Kat
Fathers are often forgotten in the big picture.
Your new theme is very pretty! I love how feminine and delicate it is. 🙂
Dani
They are and it’s a shame, Kat.
So glad you liked the new theme. This one certainly feels more like “home”.
Georgia B.
This is precious… and so thoughtful to fathers who are often forgot in the world of baby loss and grief. They grieve so differently than women, generally. But they still grieve. Just a few days ago, even more than 1.5 years after losing our Anysia, Brac told me he’s felt sad lately… he’ll just be standing around doing something at work, and it will hit him. Thank you for writing this. Will show it to Brac now.
Dani
Oh, Georgia, that is how it happens, isn’t it?? Sometimes it’s so present, like another layer of clothing donned in the morning, and others it’s like a haze you walk into, clinging and then slowly slipping away.
I’m hoping it honored him and the many others for whom it was written.
With heart,
Dani
Infertility Honesty
Beautiful. Brilliant in its capture of truth. Just shared on FB.
With gratitude to you for providing a post that speaks on this day for those of us who haven’t been so fortunate –
Sarah
Dani
It was the least I could do, Sarah. Sometimes, despite our greatest efforts, nothing makes it better. I know that. I do. But I still wanted to try to reach some hearts and perhaps line them with the downy thanksgiving I so deeply feel in my own.
Among the stars,
Dani
PozitiveHope
Reblogged this on PozitiveHope.
Dani
Thank you for the reblog, Josh. It is much appreciated.
With thanksgiving,
Dani
Lisa Sadikman
So powerful and shattering and hopeful, too. xx
Dani
So happy you dropped by, Lisa, and wishing you could stay for tea and a chat.
Maybe one day??
Maybe.
With heart,
Dani
amycake76
What deeply moving words and images. I admit I’ve neglected to ask after the fathers.
Dani
So many people do. I believe it’s often because of the whole a-man-becomes-a-father-only-after-the-birth-whereas-a-woman-becomes-a-mother-once-that-life-is-growing-within-her train of thought. The heartache is different, sure–it is processed differently, by different hearts and souls–but it is heartache all the same.
Janine Huldie
What a beautiful article and seriously can’t imagine, but still made me weep right along as I read your words here.
Dani
Thank you for your words, Janine. I’m touched you visited and shared here.
We all have a story, don’t we?? Unfortunately (and fortunately), this is a theme of mine.
Rachel
This is lovely and makes such an important point! Thank you!
Dani
Thank you, Rachel. I hoped that it would.
With blessings,
Dani
ourgreatestdesire
Beautiful and Breathtaking! Thank you for sharing. 🙂
Dani
No, thank you for reading, Dawn.
Prayers to you as you grieve,
Dani
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bruisedorbroken
That’s beautiful. A few people remembered me on mothers day but no one remembered my husband (except me) on fathers day- I know it hurt. It was the same after our miscarriage, people asked how I was but few asked after him. When my parents and close friend asked after him and how he was, it really helped. Thank you.
Dani
Even if you were the only one, he was still remembered. That certainly counts for something.
Blessings to you both,
Dani
Daphne
Dani, this one left me speechless and took my breath away. So profoundly powerful. Your words are speaking deeply to more than you can imagine and illustrate just how amazingly beautiful your heart is. Blessings are sure to come. -Daphne
Dani
I am trying to accept what comes, Daphne. This incredibly short life seems painfully long when you suffer and see those you love do the same.
Whatever forms our blessings take, we will treasure them.
They are ours and ours alone.
I know that now.
I do.
With heart,
Dani
Daphne
You are so amazing and someone we all should admire. Keeping a positive outlook and an uplifting spirit during such hardships in this short life is such a rare occurrence. Yet despite it all, you show us a different side, a beautiful side. Thank you.
amberiam
I’m a bit behind on reading this, but I wanted to let you know that I thought this was beautiful. I love how the pictures were so simple yet so eloquent. Thank you for writing this.
Dani
Thank you for reading, Amber. I felt the exact same about the images…simple yet laced with much complexity.
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voiceless2010
Beautiful, Dani. No words, warm hugs for you and your husband.
Dani
Thank you, Annie ❤
Jane Foard Thompson
Pure and haunting, Dani, especially hearing it in your own voice. May God bless your journey and your heart.
(I’m so late in seeing this because I didn’t get notification of the post, and finally thought to look for you on Facebook. You have been in my thoughts and prayers.)
Love,
Jane
Holistic Wayfarer
Absolutely right there are no words that can reach into that dark, can possibly comfort. The trite condolences only make it worse. A gift for you. No obligation to respond.
http://holisticwayfarer.com/2014/07/05/bereft-poetry-reborn/
*Squeeze hand*
Diana
Gracie K. Harold
Beautiful. The images and the words ebb and flow so organically, Dani! Thank you for entrusting your heart to us with your post. Love and hugs, Gracie K.