To Grieving Fathers on Father’s Day

Whether you began here

wedding-529606_1280

or here,

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your goal was this

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and eventually this.

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But something went terribly wrong.

blood_pm

So you’ve spent more time here

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and here

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than you planned.

When they call to ask about her,

you tell them.

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When they neglect to ask about you,

you think, It’s okay. I’m okay.

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And when they say things like:

“God has a plan”

“Time heals all wounds”

“Everything happens for a reason”

you remember they say it for themselves.

Because…

there. are. no. words.

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You try to give her this

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and this,

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but nothing helps.

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And you find yourself here

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caught between these.

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You remember life before,

when this word was everywhere

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instead of this one.

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And the two of you looked like this

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instead of this.

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Wherever you are on your journey…

whether you’ve chosen this

intense-colors-357950_1280

or this,

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I hope you’ve found a way to honor your babies

balloon-767246_1280

coffin-239096_1280

butterfly release 2015_Ren hands_pm

and each other.

butterfly release 2015_RTS garden_pm

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*All images are public domain images, unless marked with a Blooming Spiders URL stamp*

  One thought on “To Grieving Fathers on Father’s Day

  1. June 19, 2015 at 6:19 pm

    An utterly touching and beautiful expression. Hugs, Dani. 💕

    • June 20, 2015 at 9:04 am

      Thank you, sweetie. It means so much coming from you.

  2. June 19, 2015 at 6:33 pm

    Beautiful post as always Dani. My heart is with the father’s like my husband and yours, and all the men who are unable to celebrate the way they dream to. This weekend, and always.

    • June 20, 2015 at 9:03 am

      Thank you, beauty. Wishing peace upon their hearts…All of them.

  3. June 19, 2015 at 6:51 pm

    Dani, how I wish your genius did not have to express itself in such painful sorrow. You have touched so many hearts, and I pray your story will one day have a very happy ending! With boundless admiration! Stephen

    • June 20, 2015 at 9:02 am

      You are much too kind, Stephen. Thank you for your friendship and your prayers. P.S. If only posts like these negated the need for posts like these. If only.

  4. June 19, 2015 at 7:08 pm

    Very powerful post, Dani. All the best to you

    • June 20, 2015 at 8:59 am

      Thank you, Robin. To you, as well.

  5. June 19, 2015 at 7:32 pm

    My friends just lost their baby and I can only give them my love because there are just no words. To see this in pictures…I still have no words. Much love to you and your husband, sweet friend.

    • June 20, 2015 at 8:59 am

      I’m sure you’re a blessing to and for them. I’m sure, Karen. Much love to you, Dani

  6. StephanieJane
    June 19, 2015 at 10:18 pm

    ❤ beautiful.

    • June 20, 2015 at 8:57 am

      Thank you, sweetie.

  7. June 19, 2015 at 11:02 pm

    I was moved by this creative, beautiful post and pray that many fathers find their way to it, so they can be encouraged.

    • June 20, 2015 at 8:57 am

      Thank you. I hope so, too. I do.

  8. June 20, 2015 at 7:58 am

    Pictures worth thousands of words.

    • June 20, 2015 at 9:06 am

      Truly. Sometimes they are more powerful than anything we could ever say.

  9. June 20, 2015 at 8:24 am

    Wow, what a brilliant…experience…you created, Beauty. Speaks volumes.
    You’re a sculptor of many kinds, my love.

    Good job honoring your husband.
    Gentle kisses to you both…

    • June 20, 2015 at 9:07 am

      Thank you for this, B, and for yesterday. I know you’re here. I know.

  10. lkgaddis
    June 20, 2015 at 9:42 am

    Reblogged this on No Diet Lifestyle and commented:
    For when words can’t do justice, this blog post fills in the gaps. Being on the mom side of things, I don’t know exactly what it is like for fathers, but I imagine these sentiments hit on a lot of truths.

    • June 20, 2015 at 9:35 pm

      Thank you for this, sweetie. Truly.
      And honestly…
      I don’t know the depths of what they feel either.
      I just went from what I’ve seen and heard.

  11. June 20, 2015 at 9:44 am

    I always hold my breath when I read any post of yours, Dani. There’s always something magical about them… the passion, the despair, the love, (hidden in that one image of hates…did you see it?), the pain, and the beauty- you somehow always capture it so poetically – I simply marvel at your words… your soul.

    Thank you for allowing me to witness your world here today.

    • June 20, 2015 at 10:04 pm

      Love you to bits, Chris.
      Thank you for being here.
      And for sharing such heart and love.
      I am touched ❤

  12. June 20, 2015 at 9:45 am

    Your poem, when read aloud and without the pictures, reflects the emptiness of the loss you are honoring. It is an amazing tribute to all grieving fathers. Thank you for sharing it.

    -aniko

    • June 20, 2015 at 10:06 pm

      That’s what I was hoping for, Aniko.
      Thank you for noting it and for sharing here.
      It means so much.
      As do you.

  13. June 20, 2015 at 10:56 am

    So sad to read this – blessings to all grieving fathers. Hugs xx

    • June 20, 2015 at 10:07 pm

      I’m sure they appreciate them, Catherine.
      I’m sure ❤

  14. claudiaschmidt2013
    June 20, 2015 at 6:10 pm

    What a beautiful post for all fathers, in all their many forms, Dani. xoxo

    • June 20, 2015 at 7:11 pm

      perhaps not “all”

    • June 20, 2015 at 10:09 pm

      Thank you for taking the time to visit, Claudia. I know I left out many fathers (in the spirit of this post’s theme), but I hope all are honored this Father’s Day…”in all their many forms”.

      With heart,
      Dani

  15. Jenae Goede
    June 21, 2015 at 5:22 am

    How powerful this is. Once again you have captured something that most cannot express in words. Thank you for sharing, for exposing the tender parts of your heart, and for walking hand in hand with those who feel alone in pain or forgotten.

    • June 21, 2015 at 6:38 am

      Thank you for being here, J. I know this rests in your heart, as well.

      Missing you, dear one.
      And anxiously awaiting next weekend ❤

  16. June 21, 2015 at 6:47 am

    This was beautiful and poignant. You and R have been on my mind all weekend.
    Sending you love and a prayer for healing. Love you, sister ❤️

    • June 21, 2015 at 7:04 am

      Oh, Michelle, I’ve felt it. And thank you for your email. I know I didn’t respond in a timely fashion, but it was heart timely for me. Loving you back, Dani

      • June 21, 2015 at 7:11 am

        You know…there is never a “statute of limitations” on our e-mails back and forth. I feel you, too and I don’t even need an e-mail telling me so ❤️

        • June 21, 2015 at 11:37 am

          Thank you for that blessing!

  17. June 21, 2015 at 7:26 am

    Que lindo Dani!! As pessoas realmente tentam traduzir seus sentimentos em palavras, mas poucos conseguem como você! Sintam meu abraço, com carinho e saudades!

    • June 21, 2015 at 11:37 am

      Obrigada por ter lido e visitado, amiga. Estou com muito saudade de todos voces. A proxima vez que a gente estiver no Brasil botaremos o papo no dia. Um beijo bem grande, Dani

  18. Kris
    June 21, 2015 at 8:41 am

    That was simply, beautifully heart-wrenching. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    There are no words.

    Only, love to all those who are suffering.

    • June 21, 2015 at 11:29 am

      We accept your love, sweetie. Thank you for it. Miss you!!!

      Plans soon?? ❤

  19. Kat
    June 21, 2015 at 8:55 am

    Fathers are often forgotten in the big picture.

    Your new theme is very pretty! I love how feminine and delicate it is. 🙂

    • June 21, 2015 at 11:26 am

      They are and it’s a shame, Kat.

      So glad you liked the new theme. This one certainly feels more like “home”.

  20. June 21, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    This is precious… and so thoughtful to fathers who are often forgot in the world of baby loss and grief. They grieve so differently than women, generally. But they still grieve. Just a few days ago, even more than 1.5 years after losing our Anysia, Brac told me he’s felt sad lately… he’ll just be standing around doing something at work, and it will hit him. Thank you for writing this. Will show it to Brac now.

    • June 21, 2015 at 9:04 pm

      Oh, Georgia, that is how it happens, isn’t it?? Sometimes it’s so present, like another layer of clothing donned in the morning, and others it’s like a haze you walk into, clinging and then slowly slipping away.

      I’m hoping it honored him and the many others for whom it was written.

      With heart,
      Dani

  21. June 21, 2015 at 12:53 pm

    Beautiful. Brilliant in its capture of truth. Just shared on FB.

    With gratitude to you for providing a post that speaks on this day for those of us who haven’t been so fortunate –

    Sarah

    • June 21, 2015 at 9:11 pm

      It was the least I could do, Sarah. Sometimes, despite our greatest efforts, nothing makes it better. I know that. I do. But I still wanted to try to reach some hearts and perhaps line them with the downy thanksgiving I so deeply feel in my own.

      Among the stars,
      Dani

  22. June 21, 2015 at 7:33 pm

    Reblogged this on PozitiveHope.

    • June 21, 2015 at 9:14 pm

      Thank you for the reblog, Josh. It is much appreciated.

      With thanksgiving,
      Dani

  23. June 22, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    So powerful and shattering and hopeful, too. xx

    • June 22, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      So happy you dropped by, Lisa, and wishing you could stay for tea and a chat.

      Maybe one day??
      Maybe.

      With heart,
      Dani

  24. amycake76
    June 22, 2015 at 5:12 pm

    What deeply moving words and images. I admit I’ve neglected to ask after the fathers.

    • June 22, 2015 at 5:27 pm

      So many people do. I believe it’s often because of the whole a-man-becomes-a-father-only-after-the-birth-whereas-a-woman-becomes-a-mother-once-that-life-is-growing-within-her train of thought. The heartache is different, sure–it is processed differently, by different hearts and souls–but it is heartache all the same.

  25. June 22, 2015 at 5:40 pm

    What a beautiful article and seriously can’t imagine, but still made me weep right along as I read your words here.

    • June 22, 2015 at 5:44 pm

      Thank you for your words, Janine. I’m touched you visited and shared here.

      We all have a story, don’t we?? Unfortunately (and fortunately), this is a theme of mine.

  26. June 22, 2015 at 6:33 pm

    This is lovely and makes such an important point! Thank you!

    • June 22, 2015 at 8:32 pm

      Thank you, Rachel. I hoped that it would.

      With blessings,
      Dani

  27. June 22, 2015 at 7:43 pm

    Beautiful and Breathtaking! Thank you for sharing. 🙂

    • June 22, 2015 at 8:34 pm

      No, thank you for reading, Dawn.

      Prayers to you as you grieve,
      Dani

  28. June 28, 2015 at 10:44 am

    That’s beautiful. A few people remembered me on mothers day but no one remembered my husband (except me) on fathers day- I know it hurt. It was the same after our miscarriage, people asked how I was but few asked after him. When my parents and close friend asked after him and how he was, it really helped. Thank you.

    • July 1, 2015 at 2:27 pm

      Even if you were the only one, he was still remembered. That certainly counts for something.

      Blessings to you both,
      Dani

  29. June 28, 2015 at 11:31 pm

    Dani, this one left me speechless and took my breath away. So profoundly powerful. Your words are speaking deeply to more than you can imagine and illustrate just how amazingly beautiful your heart is. Blessings are sure to come. -Daphne

    • July 1, 2015 at 2:32 pm

      I am trying to accept what comes, Daphne. This incredibly short life seems painfully long when you suffer and see those you love do the same.

      Whatever forms our blessings take, we will treasure them.

      They are ours and ours alone.
      I know that now.
      I do.

      With heart,
      Dani

      • July 1, 2015 at 5:14 pm

        You are so amazing and someone we all should admire. Keeping a positive outlook and an uplifting spirit during such hardships in this short life is such a rare occurrence. Yet despite it all, you show us a different side, a beautiful side. Thank you.

  30. July 3, 2015 at 1:31 pm

    I’m a bit behind on reading this, but I wanted to let you know that I thought this was beautiful. I love how the pictures were so simple yet so eloquent. Thank you for writing this.

    • July 3, 2015 at 2:36 pm

      Thank you for reading, Amber. I felt the exact same about the images…simple yet laced with much complexity.

  31. July 20, 2015 at 9:43 pm

    Beautiful, Dani. No words, warm hugs for you and your husband.

    • July 23, 2015 at 12:27 pm

      Thank you, Annie ❤

  32. July 30, 2015 at 9:37 am

    Pure and haunting, Dani, especially hearing it in your own voice. May God bless your journey and your heart.
    (I’m so late in seeing this because I didn’t get notification of the post, and finally thought to look for you on Facebook. You have been in my thoughts and prayers.)
    Love,
    Jane

  33. August 5, 2015 at 1:25 pm

    Absolutely right there are no words that can reach into that dark, can possibly comfort. The trite condolences only make it worse. A gift for you. No obligation to respond.

    http://holisticwayfarer.com/2014/07/05/bereft-poetry-reborn/

    *Squeeze hand*

    Diana

  34. August 17, 2015 at 8:04 am

    Beautiful. The images and the words ebb and flow so organically, Dani! Thank you for entrusting your heart to us with your post. Love and hugs, Gracie K.

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