Image courtesy of Elizabeth Schafer Stutzman
Over the years−whether by accident or by design−I have lost touch with multiple friends. For years it bothered me. Knowing that these people held slivers of my heart in their possession bothered me. Knowing that perhaps those pieces of me meant nothing to them bothered me. Knowing that perhaps I meant nothing to them bothered me.
As a teenager and into my early twenties, I fought against it. People moved on or away and I wrote and called and persisted. They showed less interest and I continued on−possibly being annoying, probably being pathetic−because I just didn’t get it. How does someone who means so much suddenly mean nothing? The rub was that it wasn’t sudden; it just felt that way. In reality, it was a slow fading away like watching a tree shed its foliage one precious leaf at a time.
Not until I lost touch with one of my most treasured friends did I finally learn to accept. Hers was the house I ran to when I found out my family was no longer a family. She was the one I cried to the countless times my high school boyfriend dishonored me and I, in turn, dishonored myself by staying with him. She was the one who guarded my secrets and stood watch at the gates to my heart. She was the real thing. And then she slipped away, slowly like the leaves, until she was gone.
Just days ago, after 15 years of emotional and physical distance, we reconnected.
A beautiful thing.
I don’t pretend to know who she is now or the many roads she’s taken to get where she is. I don’t pretend to know who has cheered her triumphs or sat in silence with her when there simply were no words. I don’t pretend to know her heart or her dreams like I once did. And somehow. That’s okay.
The only thing that I do know is that I’m thankful. And perhaps that the foliage is full and I am seeing her, for the first time, once again.
Beautiful! You really are an amazing writer. Funny that this is exactly how I felt when we lost contact. I thought, “I hope she knows how much of my heart she will always have:).”
Thank you, Christina. I’m so glad to know that now AND hope you know YOU are one of the chosen ones who carries slivers of my heart. Glad to know they’re safe…glad to know you are safe.
Love to you always, my beautiful friend.
And to you…always.
Hmmm….i love learning about my friend in new ways ❤ how do you think your change of perspective happened? time & healing? personal development? a few things? curious about more of you 🙂
B, I think it was a combination of time, personal development and the desire to forgive (and be forgiven, if that was the case). Sometimes holding so tightly to things of the past prevents you from moving forward. That is a tragedy in itself and one I didn’t want to repeat. Thank you for continuing to be curious after all this time as friends and Sisters.
You are loved!
Hi Dani!! That’s so beautiful! You’re a very good writer and your text touched me deeply inside. I kind recognized me in that words. I went through the same as you. I moved for a long period, stayed away from I considered my best friend and unfortunatelly things went like that… we disconected. I learned to accept but I’m still very sorry for that. Dear, I’m so happy for you! Believe! That’s amazing! I can feel your heart in those words and it’s precious. I’m going to stay tunned for more! Love it! XOXO! Miss you! Paty.
Paty, que querida tu es!! Thank you for visiting and for your sweet sentiments. I miss our chats and still remember your visit the day before we left Criciuma. I wish that things would have worked out differently, so we would have been able to spend more time together, but I think we will always have a bond–I am very thankful for that. Thank you for visiting and please, do come back. I welcome your comments and am grateful for your kindness and friendship.
It’s weird, this has been a topic of intense conversation with another friend recently. Wondering how that happens– a friendship SO close just diminishing. Wondering if others know how much they really did mean to you; and if you meant anything to them.
You did a great job of articulating that here. Of reminding those who read this about those things that are precious in this life.
Thank you!
Thank you, Kris. You mean so very much to me and, while we don’t get nearly as much time as I’d like, I return to conversations we’ve had and the many things I’ve taken from them. You are a precious person, Kris. Very. Precious.
Decided to comment at last, all these months after I first read those words, and thought about ought-to be’s that would live in my not-to-be’s…movedv every single time.
❤
me
I love that you did, sweetie.
Truly.